Quality family time, dadgummit!

When I was growing up we rented a beach house every year, the same beach house.  It became 'ours', I loved it!  My dad was a workaholic banker who didn't know the meaning of 'banker's hours'.  So this was heaven to him, to take his girls and run away for a week.  As soon as we got there mom had to clean, forget that it had already been cleaned, she had to clean again!  And we had to unload the two car fulls of (excuse my language) CRAP that we toted up.  We would finally be ready to "vacation" just in time for dinner and no quickie dinner for this family it was full out dinner complete with dishes.  Finally, finally we were done and my sister and I would put on our suits and get ready to run out the door and down to the beach when dad would yell from the other room.  "Are we ready for a family walk on the beach?"    Don't get me wrong, we appreciated that our parents took us to the beach each year but neither of us wanted to walk on the beach with our parental units.  We wanted to walk on the beach looking cool scoping out cute boys.  But nooooo we had to wait for the dishes to be done and then we all had to walk out on the beach for some "Quality family time, dadgummit!"  Now I know that this phrase is not in the dictionary due to the fact that as far as I know my dad basically invented it but if it was I believe this is how it would be listed.

Quality Family Time, Dadgummit! - Time spent with one's family albeit under duress and huge embarrassment to the children.  Most often heard yelled by the parental units while on vacation (see Disney World) and Sunday afternoon walks.

The latter is what brought about today's post.  I, being the rebellious daughter I was, hated, hated  quality family time!  It was always, always  a big huge hot mess!  It started with good intentions but always ended up with frustrations, tears, embarrassments and guilt.  But, like all good parents we forget what we swore "we would NEVER do" and I frequently torture, guilt and bribe my children to spend quality family time with me.  Well today it was decided by someone (though the instigator chooses to remain silent and no it was not me!) that a family walk with dogs would be good fun on this beautiful Sunday afternoon.  So while the Jolly Green Giant and the Princess hopped on their bikes, my sweet husband took one of the puppies and the...hmmm...has he been named yet?  I don't think so.  Well henceforth the middle child shall be known as the Author.  The Author  took the other puppy (again I am well aware that these 70 lb. beasts are no longer puppies but that is what they were grouped as when they were brought home and shall be named that forever.)  I hooked up the last leash to my sweet  furry hysterectomy baby (story for another time) and off we went.

All started out a little rocky in that the Author has a broken arm and puppy #1 was not behaving as well as she should have which made her hard to handle with two good hands forget having one in a cast.  So sweet husband takes both puppies and we are now walking along like a proper family.  Picture it will you?  A beautiful family (it's my dream we can be beautiful) walking/riding along on a sunny Sunday afternoon with their faithful furry friends in tow.  Let's sit on that butterfly moment for just a second shall we? 

Moving on...cut to "let's go (through the stretch of overgrowth that hasn't been properly maintained but always makes for a fun and interesting walk) tourist route home.  And that would be when "Quality Family Time, Dadgummit" started: 

• Issue #1: The Princess can't get her bike to move properly across the cracked sidewalk with tufts of grass sticking up. 
• Issue #2: The Jolly Green Giant  is behind the Princess and is annoyed by her slow pace for bike riding. 
• Issue #3:  The Author is once again losing control of Puppy #1 due to her excitement over the tall grass. 
• Issue #4:  The Queen (yup that's right I get a name too!) was not aware that the walk was going to take such a turn and is wearing cute sparkly flip flops that are not meant for traipsing through knee high grass with goodness knows what lurking just inchs from her feet. 
• Issue #5:  The furry hysterectomy baby was trying to hop through the grass like she does (I believe she's part bunny) and was having such a hard time she decided to just cop a squat. 

So we pass the huge patch of overgrowth and the Princess takes off at which time the Jolly Green Giant  aka Dudley Doo Right is yelling at her to slow down for us.  My frustrated husband tells him to just go catch up with her and for them to head home.  And just as we are settling in to a nice calm walk...we hear a thump and the Author is down, crumpled on the ground holding his knee, blood oozing from his bottom lip, broken arm protected by a huge cast and the culprit that brought upon such horror...sitting beside him panting, drooling, licking her pet and feeling rather pleased I would assume.  My defeated husband takes back control of both puppies, I wrap my arm around the author and we limp home. 

And that my faithful friends is how this family has "Quality Family Time, Dadgummit!" 
Now don't just sit there...go out and create your own memories!  Or better yet...I'd love to hear your very own "Quality Family Time, Dadgummit!" stories!  Don't be shy...you know you wanna share...post a comment!