Friday, October 17, 2014

Dear Facebook...

Hey there buddy, we need to talk. See we've been together for a long time, years in fact and I love being with you.  Well I need to be honest, I loveD being with you.  You are my link to old friends, some I've known since kindergarten.  You helped me to celebrate their birthdays, anniversaries, babies, you reminded me to pray for them in the lows and celebrate with them in the highs.  You allowed me to brag un mercilessly on my own kids (and husband) and gave me a platform for my off the wall sense of humor.  Truly Facebook, you were my partner in crime.  But things have changed, you've changed and I have too.  You seem very negative to me lately and while I've tried to stay positive in the hopes that you would possibly go back to the fun and silly site you used to be, sadly you are unwilling to do so.  And quite frankly my friend, your negativity is too much for me right now.

Don't worry, we aren't over, I'm not saying goodbye, I don't think.  I'm just saying that I think we need a break from each other.  You know distance makes the heart grow finder and all that. Anyway, take care Facebook and I'll see ya when I see ya.

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

She is most definitely mine…

This morning an incredible person stumbled into my bathroom where I was rushing to get ready for work.  Dressed in worn in jeans and an oversized sweatshirt with sleepy eyes and tousled hair, she sat down on the closed toilet seat and tucked her bare feet up under her. 

“Whatchya doin?” I asked this sleepy beauty.

She cups her hands around a steaming cup of coffee while pulling it close to her heart and in a beautiful raspy morning voice says, “I just need a minute with my coffee to wake up.”

Well my friends, I have done it!  Beware…there are now officially two of us! 

Wednesday, October 1, 2014


On this beautiful first day of October I'm sitting in the back seat of my own car.  We are going on a mini road trip.  Something I desperately love to do.  I hate to travel but a quick road trip with my loves is my personal heaven.  But as I sit here with my Starbucks in hand (your not surprised) I was suddenly utterly and completely overwhelmed at what I was participating in.

Today I'm a passenger in my own car which is nothing new, if my husband is with me he drives, I like it that way.  But today he is also a passenger.  Today my son is in the drivers seat.  Today my 17 year old is driving us to his first college visit.  Today we will visit the same town I've been to a hundred times when my husband was a student there.  But today it will be with different eyes.  Today I won't be seeing it as the fun place I used to escape to visiting my love.  Today I will be visiting the place my first born will be living for the next four years.  As I endure this year and truly enduring is what I feel it is when I can't stop thinking that every single minute eases us closer and closer to a new normal, one I'm not particularly fond of.  I am a momma bear in the worst of ways.  I LOVE having my kids home with me.  Nothing makes me happier or more content than when it's the five of us under one roof.  Then and seriously only then do I feel complete and whole.  Please don't judge me (or do I don't really care) I know this is what is supposed to happen.  I know this is why we 'train them up in the way they should go and pray that they keep their paths straight'. I know that all
of this is completely normal.  But that doesn't help this momma's heart.  Yes, I will let him go I just don't feel ready.  If you know my kid then you know he has the sweetest disposition.  You know he is a good kid (just a good ole boy).  He has a tender heart.  He will do the right thing in all situations because he just doesn't understand not doing the right thing.

So today as I watch him drive me to his future university/home I don't see the tall (taller than both his parents), broad shouldered, handsome man he has become.  I still see a tiny little boy with wide innocent eyes, big ears (blessed he grew into them),  and the sweet voice of the child who knew what the inside of my heart sounded like first.  Today I see him.

Monday, August 11, 2014

Words truly do hurt...

Dear friends,

I feel it is vitally important to share with you my experience this weekend, something I did that evidently hurt feelings, feelings that I cannot repair.  Sadly I was unaware the magnitude of my words until the end of my very long Monday.  I know words hurt!  I explain to my children all the time how long it takes to repair the wounds that one comment can create.  I wish I had listened to my own words.  Below is my story, please take heed dear friends.

My sweet husband and I decided we would FINALLY take on the task of redoing our kitchen.  Nothing major, no walls being knocked out or anything.  But paint, cabinets, flooring (well I guess it's major to a family of five with two working parents (one with a new job), just starting the school year (with one kid in his senior year), four dogs and 2.5 cows.  Come to think of it we might be slightly crazy. 

Anyway, as we excitedly pick paint colors and talk of what's to come I start to get carried away (what woman doesn't).  I start talking "what if's?" and "could we do this?" and "what about's?".  Well as my sweet husband nodded and continued to tape of walls for paint and I rambled on and on and that my friends is when IT happened. 

(deep breath)

Me ~ "You know I wish we could get a stove/oven and get rid of our wall oven.  It would be bigger and we could create more storage in it's place."

Sweet Husband ~ "Babe, we JUST replaced the fridge that died in the middle of night.  That's not gonna happen right now!"

I agreed, understood and life went on.  We finished the painting (with the help of my momma) and it looks bright and beautiful and I love it and I started dreaming of the next step, the cabinets.

Monday morning, came and went and as I drove home I realized I was excited to come home to cook dinner in my freshly painted kitchen.  Odd how such a small change can make such a big difference. 

I came in, changed clothes, turned on the oven, started the dishwasher, put in a load of clothes and THAT'S when I smelt it.  Something toxic, chemical, awful!  I looked inside, surely something had fallen and was burning in there but no.  I turned it off, opened the window and called my sweet,  tired guy.  "Almost home, I'll look when I get there."  Like that's what he wants to do at the end of a long day. 

He checks it out, turns it back on and in minutes the smell starts again.  He turns it off and looks at me.  "Guess you get you stove/oven with a storage on the wall now".

That my friends is when I realized with utmost certainty that even if you are UN-FOND of someone(thing) you should NEVER talk bad about them(it) unless you are TRULY ready to replace them(it). 


Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Things I learned today...

So today has been an eye opening, learning experience for me.  Well to be honest the day was rather normal, it was the evening that opened my eyes.  So because I like to share and let's be honest we all spend way too much time being interested in each other's lives, I'll share with you.

1. Fridges are no longer easily purchased and picked up/delivered in the same day.  Everything must be ordered, which is a HUGE inconvenience when yours dies in the middle of the night.

2. People have DRASTICALLY different opinions when it comes to appliances.  Seriously y'all!  Few of you actually agreed.  I'm stumped.

3. Fourth of July sales are still going on the week after and you can get some seriously good deals.  (Thank goodness cause a new fridge was NOT in the budget!).

4. I don't give my husband nearly enough credit for what he can accomplish.

5. My husband will kill himself trying to prove people wrong. (Yes big muscly sales dude he is sure he doesn't want the 400 lb fridge delivered Friday and will be taking it home today.)

6. I cry when I'm stressed.  (See above for said stress).

7.  Neither of us like to, nor are good at asking for help but he did ask because I was super stressed.

8.  I'm so thankful that the two sweet guys he called couldn't help at that exact moment and he was too impatient to wait because...

9.  My boys helping their dad and my girl distracting me from the window made for some really cute images that will love forever in my mind.

10.  God is DESPERATELY wanting me to stop trying to control my world and rely on Him to take care of the big AND little things.  (Thank you mom for emptying and reloading my fridge even though I said I didn't need help).

11. This circus that Craig and I created is really super cool and I'm so thankful that I get to be a part of it.  

12. I WAS WRONG AND CRAIG WAS RIGHT.  (man that was bitter)

Oh and when you see my new fridge and it's hugeness (that doesn't really fit in my kitchen) please remember I have 3 kids that eat A LOT!  I have to go shopping now!

Friday, January 17, 2014

The date...

Dates hold such significance for people.  Birthday, wedding date, even holidays, but it's other dates that just a handful of people are even aware of that I realize now hold more significance than all the other dates combined.

January 2:  Mom had a doctors appointment and asked me to stay with him.  We drank coffee, told silly jokes and laughed.

January 3:  Mom called to tell me she was calling the ambulance to take him to the hospital, he had a fever that wouldn't break and congestion, she feared he had aspiration pneumonia, she was right. 

January 5:  I taught them to face time on their iPad so we could see each other on the days I couldn't get to the hospital.

January 10:  He wanted Craig to bring him his wheelchair and for Craig and only Craig to get him out of bed and into that chair.  How he loved that man!

January 14:  We brought daddy home from the hospital with hospice care.

January 17, 2013:  His three girls stood over his bed, as we had done a hundred times before telling him just how very much we loved him but this time was different, this time the angels filled the room and our world stopped.

These are the dates (and so many more) that his three girls live over and over remembering a man that was our world.

He was funny.  He was silly.  He was a great big kid in a mans body.  He took business seriously.  He loved a cold beer and a warm desert.  He loved malts on a stick.  He couldn't golf but loved to do it anyway.  He did his best to be at every activity for his grand babies.  He was stubborn.  He was giving.  He loved music.  He was nowhere near perfect but he was ours and we were his.  He taught his girls so much but most importantly he taught us to take care of each other. 

Daddy, there isn't a day that we don't wish you here and at the same time we're so thankful that your body can finally rest.  We miss you more and love you A LOT!

Friday, January 10, 2014

Gaining a little perspective...

So this morning whilst rushing around my (very messy but warm and comfortable) home on the way to my (I sometimes don't want to go to but stable) job, I almost dropped a large container of oats.  I was standing in my kitchen alone while my 3 (healthy) children were in the back also getting dressed and as I narrowly caught the container I said aloud 'Oh that would have been a catastrophe!'


This is what I consider a catastrophe?  The moment the words left my mouth I was crazy embarrassed (not that I was talking out loud to myself...cause that's totally normal) but that this narrowly missed, minor inconvenience brought the words CATASTROPHE out of my mouth.  I don't know about you but I think I might need some perspective.

Today I promise to try and find the good (even in the frustrating moments). Today I promise to laugh more and complain less.  Today I promise to remember just how very blessed I am...I don't have everything but I certainly have ENOUGH!