Sunday, September 26, 2010

Quality family time, dadgummit!

When I was growing up we rented a beach house every year, the same beach house.  It became 'ours', I loved it!  My dad was a workaholic banker who didn't know the meaning of 'banker's hours'.  So this was heaven to him, to take his girls and run away for a week.  As soon as we got there mom had to clean, forget that it had already been cleaned, she had to clean again!  And we had to unload the two car fulls of (excuse my language) CRAP that we toted up.  We would finally be ready to "vacation" just in time for dinner and no quickie dinner for this family it was full out dinner complete with dishes.  Finally, finally we were done and my sister and I would put on our suits and get ready to run out the door and down to the beach when dad would yell from the other room.  "Are we ready for a family walk on the beach?"    Don't get me wrong, we appreciated that our parents took us to the beach each year but neither of us wanted to walk on the beach with our parental units.  We wanted to walk on the beach looking cool scoping out cute boys.  But nooooo we had to wait for the dishes to be done and then we all had to walk out on the beach for some "Quality family time, dadgummit!"  Now I know that this phrase is not in the dictionary due to the fact that as far as I know my dad basically invented it but if it was I believe this is how it would be listed.

Quality Family Time, Dadgummit! - Time spent with one's family albeit under duress and huge embarrassment to the children.  Most often heard yelled by the parental units while on vacation (see Disney World) and Sunday afternoon walks.

The latter is what brought about today's post.  I, being the rebellious daughter I was, hated, hated  quality family time!  It was always, always  a big huge hot mess!  It started with good intentions but always ended up with frustrations, tears, embarrassments and guilt.  But, like all good parents we forget what we swore "we would NEVER do" and I frequently torture, guilt and bribe my children to spend quality family time with me.  Well today it was decided by someone (though the instigator chooses to remain silent and no it was not me!) that a family walk with dogs would be good fun on this beautiful Sunday afternoon.  So while the Jolly Green Giant and the Princess hopped on their bikes, my sweet husband took one of the puppies and the...hmmm...has he been named yet?  I don't think so.  Well henceforth the middle child shall be known as the Author.  The Author  took the other puppy (again I am well aware that these 70 lb. beasts are no longer puppies but that is what they were grouped as when they were brought home and shall be named that forever.)  I hooked up the last leash to my sweet  furry hysterectomy baby (story for another time) and off we went.

All started out a little rocky in that the Author has a broken arm and puppy #1 was not behaving as well as she should have which made her hard to handle with two good hands forget having one in a cast.  So sweet husband takes both puppies and we are now walking along like a proper family.  Picture it will you?  A beautiful family (it's my dream we can be beautiful) walking/riding along on a sunny Sunday afternoon with their faithful furry friends in tow.  Let's sit on that butterfly moment for just a second shall we? 

Moving on...cut to "let's go (through the stretch of overgrowth that hasn't been properly maintained but always makes for a fun and interesting walk) tourist route home.  And that would be when "Quality Family Time, Dadgummit" started: 
  • Issue #1: The Princess can't get her bike to move properly across the cracked sidewalk with tufts of grass sticking up. 
  • Issue #2: The Jolly Green Giant  is behind the Princess and is annoyed by her slow pace for bike riding. 
  • Issue #3:  The Author is once again losing control of Puppy #1 due to her excitement over the tall grass. 
  • Issue #4:  The Queen (yup that's right I get a name too!) was not aware that the walk was going to take such a turn and is wearing cute sparkly flip flops that are not meant for traipsing through knee high grass with goodness knows what lurking just inchs from her feet. 
  • Issue #5:  The furry hysterectomy baby was trying to hop through the grass like she does (I believe she's part bunny) and was having such a hard time she decided to just cop a squat. 
So we pass the huge patch of overgrowth and the Princess takes off at which time the Jolly Green Giant  aka Dudley Doo Right is yelling at her to slow down for us.  My frustrated husband tells him to just go catch up with her and for them to head home.  And just as we are settling in to a nice calm walk...we hear a thump and the Author is down, crumpled on the ground holding his knee, blood oozing from his bottom lip, broken arm protected by a huge cast and the culprit that brought upon such horror...sitting beside him panting, drooling, licking her pet and feeling rather pleased I would assume.  My defeated husband takes back control of both puppies, I wrap my arm around the author and we limp home. 

And that my faithful friends is how this family has "Quality Family Time, Dadgummit!" 
Now don't just sit there...go out and create your own memories!  Or better yet...I'd love to hear your very own "Quality Family Time, Dadgummit!" stories!  Don't be know you wanna a comment!

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Letting go...

Oh how I loved her!  She wasn't a sports car...she was a sedan...(but shhhh don't tell her that...she had no idea!)  She took corners on a dime, she had a turn radius like no ones business.  She had dark tinted windows that hid me when I hadn't done my makeup or was singing along with Nickelback.  She had a sunroof that slid all the way back to let that glorious light shine in on me warming me to my bones.  Her pedals were sleek and smooth.  She had a stereo system...*sob* forgive me. 

But she had (problems), my sweet husband calls it a gremlin in the electrical system.  I called it her uniqueness.  Always keeping me on my toes...would the speedometer work today or not?  Would the radio come on or would it make me drive in silence to work with my own thoughts but then mysteriously start working the minute I sank down into her soft leather seats after a long day.  ahhhhhhh
My girlfriend asked what her name was?  Name?  Name?  She was too cool for a name, she was like Prince just a sign (artist formerly known as).  Oh she was beautiful and she was mine! 

But the problems with her and the fact that the "beast", as we have come to refer to the oldest child who seems to be growing like the Jolly Green Giant, could hardly fit in the back seat anymore meant that my sweet husband started telling me that "it was time".  NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! 

So as we drive that Sunday he points out cars that he thinks are appropriate while I sit in the front of his truck arms firmly folded across my chest, brows furrowed, I mean all you have to do is picture a 3 year old trying to be forced to eat brussel sprouts and there you have me!!!  I hated everything, it made me nauseous to think of sitting behind the wheel.  I'd done the "big car thing" no thank you!  Not going back!  But as we are at a stop light, I look over and see a beautiful black car shining in the sunlight, it has such sleek lines, oh it is wondrous looking!  As I point out this beauty I would be happy to own, my frustrating husband laughs and tells me that it's the same car I currently own yet in a different color.  "Well, at least I'm consistent!"  After a good laugh at my expense, he points out another car, a bigger car.  At which I make the tragic mistake of saying, "Well, that one doesn't make me want to throw up in my mouth."  Big mistake, huge!!  Before I can say another word we are off to the dealership (which thankfully was closed) to take a look at this thing

The one we look at isn't bad, it's actually very pretty, nicely loaded and doesn't seem that large.  So...a day off is planned and we head to the dealership (a different dealership because we found a better deal) two days later.  I climb behind the wheel and OMG it's HUGE!!!  And I feel old, and since I'm nearing 40, I don't need help feeling old.  My kids do that all too well!  My stubborn husband convinces me that this IS the best option right now and that if I'll do this now in a couple of years I can go back to a car car.  Well now, this poor salesman has no idea how to handle this situation.  A woman is about to get a new (used) car and she is sitting in the seat crying and praying that they wont make the deal.  I'm not sure but I think he canceled his engagement that night thinking women are CRAZY!!! 

But we do make the deal and we drive away leaving my baby back at the dealership where I pray that she will go to a good home (knowing full well she will really go to auction...thank you mean husband for putting that in my head!). 

Now, in defense of Bessie (yes I let my girlfriend name this one) she is a very smooth ride, she is luxurious, she has enough seating that none of my 3 children have to so much as touch each other while in the car.  She has a sunroof (though the placement doesn't allow the sun to really warm me to my bones), and she has a good sound system (though I feel a little foolish jammin' with no tint on the front windows).  But she seems to be a good car so far.  Though while driving in it I do feel less than young and sporty. 

Let me also admit this...I used to get looks in my fabulous car...I mean stares!  Seriously!!!  I must be one hot looking momma!!!  I loved it...when I didn't feel great about myself I'd hop in her smooth seats, let the sunroof open, turn up the radio and fly!  Man, I would feel AHHHMAZING!!!  Well I know now the sad sad truth...everyone was staring not at me but at her...but I don't blame them...I would too!

Good bye old was a good ride!!  You will not be forgotten...*sob*sob*sob*

Sunday, September 12, 2010

"Lines, Vines, and Trying Times"

So for my daughter's birthday we decided to surprise her with tickets to...wait for it...The Jonas Brothers!  Yup, her first concert and she would be seeing none other than Nick Jonas!  Can't you just hear little girls screams all over the world?  Well, me being the pitiful mom that I am first of all didn't know they were even in town until the Monday before the concert .  But I've been to this venue before and when your on the lawn it's relaxing, feels like a picnic...ummm...not for a kids concert! 

Okay so first of all between Demi Lovato and the Jonas Brothers we had almost 45 minutes of downtime! (What?)  Yup!  First they showed commercials for the Disney I can watch those at home!  Then for the next 30 minutes it was an empty stage!  Seriously?  Seriously! 

So finally the Jo Bros come out on stage to a slew of screaming of which was about to stand on my head she was so close to me!  But here's the bummer part...the adults were all standing up so guess what (big tall adult people who shouldn't care anything at all about this boy band), yep the sweet little girls standing behind you CAN'T SEE!  My sweet girl and her friend were getting frustrated, not only could they not see the stage but they couldn't even see the screens.  So off my husband goes to get some popcorn because at least maybe they can sit down and listen to the music and have a snack.  Getting popcorn shouldn't be a huge deal but he had already stood in line for 45 minutes to get four water bottles (oh and no lids?  What?)  So he trudges up the hill to get popcorn for the princesses only to be told that THE WHOLE ENTIRE VENUE IS SOLD OUT OF POPCORN!  Yes I'm serious!  So he comes back and wanting to be the hero he decided he will take turns putting the girls on his shoulders so they can see.  Usually I would feel bad about such a thing but since 18 thousand other people were doing it in front of us...what the heck.  Just as my hero of a sweet husband raises his birthday girl princess up a teeny bopper directly behind my back starts screaming "Put your daughter down!"  Oh no you didn't!!!
I turn around, look directly up (because I'm a good adult and sitting) into her face and say "I don't think so!!"  She says nothing and I could tell even in the dark that she is blushing....not such a big cool girl now are we? 

So we sit for two more songs and I watch my daughter who was so very excited for her for concert want nothing more than to just go home.  My heart is breaking, just rip it out of my chest breaking! 
So we load up our stuff with promises of a Sonic midnight ice cream trip.  Well they made it out of the parking lot before they were sound asleep.  So much for the fabulous "night to remember". 

So "Hey You", next time you take "Your Biggest Fan" to a kids concert, "Keep It Real" and sit down so that all the kids behind you can see.  Because really, at this type of show, it's not about us, it's about the "Kids Of The Future".  "That's Just How We Roll"!

Monday, September 6, 2010

It's the most wonderful time of the year...almost...

Have you missed me?  No?  So sad, I've missed you.  But school has started, which means that the chaos has begun.  My house is never fully cleaned (like it was during the summer, ha!).  No one has the clothes clean that they want when they want, and I'm exhausted and shut down by 9:00 p.m.  But I can feel fall coming closer and closer and it is the most wonderful time of the year! 
Not this most wonderful time.  However, this is a ridiculously funny video and before I went back to work (for a school) I'm sure I felt this way too! 
No, the most wonderful time of the year is when the days are short and the nights are cool.  I love driving home from the kids activities and seeing lights burning behind the open shades of houses.  I like to imagine a very June Cleaver image behind those lamp lit windows.  Don't get me wrong I love the lazy days of summer.  But the warmth of fall, it's just too much!
I'll try to be better at keeping up, I know you care!  And you know you care too, it's okay, you don't have to admit it, it'll be our secret.  ;0)