Friday, January 30, 2015
I lost it tonight. LOST IT. Walked in the house (should be condemned it's such a wreck) hungry, tired and cranky. Don't think I've been home more than like 5 minutes the past 10 days. Dance stuff needed to be packed. Projects were being finished. Shavings are all over my floor. The laundry is piled so high I can't see over it and quite frankly something smells. Like bad. (Possibly the Stock show laundry that's STILL waiting to be washed.). And so when someone didn't do what I asked I LOST it. Can I tell you how much I HATED that. Can I explain the way it completely tears my heart apart. You know don't you? Momma's. You know. We've all done it (and if you haven't. Please don't tell me!). But sometimes isn't it just all too much. I wanna bath. I wanna beverage. I wanna full nights sleep where I'm not worrying about college scholarships, show cattle escaping the fence, show chickens not being warm enough, laundry that will never be done, packing that needs to be done for yet another trip. Dishes in the dishwasher that I honestly can't remember if I ran the dadgumn thing so I might as well run it again. The fact that the fridge had nothing nutrious in it. Am I taking too much time off of work for my kids. Am I giving more attention to one kid and slacking on the other two. Have I even actually SPOKEN to my husband today? Y'all. These are the things that make me/us? lie awake, stress us out and yes sometimes LOSE it! And truthfully NONE of these things are life threatening important but still. These are the days when if I was smart (clearly I'm not) I would walk outside and beg like BEG God to do for me....Lord Jesus today I need you to wrap your arm around my shoulder and place your hand over my mouth! Because sometimes...seriously that's all I've got to give.