Friday, February 27, 2015

We WILL make it...I think...I hope...

I have some very sweet friends that are in the midst of new parenting or parenting of little's and I know that they are struggling.  Dear ones I NEED you to hear my words.  I know KNOW that you are exhausted from sleepless nights.  You can't remember the last time you actually showered where you did more than jump in and out.  You permanently have some type of bodily fluid on your clothes. You feel as if you never have adult conversations.  You don't remember what your husband actually looks like.  Sickness runs rampant through your home, knowing without a doubt that as soon as one little gets strep, the flu whatever it's only a matter of time before the other one or two get it.  This is what I NEED you to understand...when you've sat and rocked ALL day and dad walks in the door and you finally, excitedly pass that baby off to him so you can breathe, shower, run to the store alone only to have that precious bundle scrunch up his face, reach for you and start to wail again.  Blessed mothers YOU are that babies pacifier, her comfort, her cozy blanket.  You are his HOME!  I know it's hard to do but settle in that moment, relish it, be their everything because I promise you the moment will FLY by.

One day that same child who couldn't/wouldn't let you go will lash out at you.  They will tell you that you are stupid, that they hate you. They will roll their eyes and clench their jaws, slam their doors and proceed to text, Skype, tweet, kik, snapchat (not Facebook ' cause since the old people invaded it, it's so uncool) about what a loser you are.  How not understanding, mean, uncool you are.  Dear ones you will try, when they come to you and you dig so incredibly deep to give them the most amazing words of wisdom ever spoken by any parent in the history of the universe and as the golden words are leaving your mouth you feel as if you are on top of the world...know KNOW that that child/teenager/savage will look at you with mouth agape, tears in their eyes, jaw clenched and proceed to say "Seriously!?  Mother, you are of NO help!  That is just stupid!  It's like you don't even care!"  They will turn and storm out of the room leaving you to wonder just how that had happened. Know KNOW that I believe their is an actual language barrier that turns your incredibly wise words into the sound Charlie Brown's teacher makes.

Dear ones, hang tight.  When they push, push back.  When they pull away, pull them back. Tell them that they can fight you and you will continue to fight for them!  They will come back to you. It will be baby steps.  It will be one step forward two steps back. They will crawl in bed with you, apologize, curl up and tell you they love you and then wake up the next morning to look at you as if you have three heads and not a brain in one.  They will quit kissing your cheek goodbye and instead yell it down the hallway (if they even remember to tell you goodbye at all). But precious, exhausted, beautiful Mama's you WILL make it through. I promise!!!  Through many tears, through days of feeling like a total failure, through doubts of how you could possibly be doing this parenting thing oh so very WILL make it.  I say these words not only for my young friends living in the midst of the newness of parenthood, not only for my friends living through teenager schizophrenia land (truly it is) but dear friends I say these words for me also.  For as I raise three of my own teenagers I sometimes wonder just what I'm doing and why I'm doing it so badly.  And then I remember I'm not alone (and possibly that bathtubs and adult beverages were created for mothers of teens!).  Hang in their mama's with tears and prayers we WILL make it through.