Sunday, January 31, 2016

Living for today...

I was sitting this morning reading my Bible study and for the first time in my 42 years I TRULY read what I've repeated over and over again since I was first taken to church, The Lord's prayer.  You know it's one of those that you just know and you repeat with ease, without stumbling or thinking about it.  It rolls of your lips like your own name, but today I read one part that just STUCK! 
"Give us this day our daily bread." ~ Matthew 6:11  Ya'll, God didn't instruct us to say give us what we need for the next two months!  In fact in Exodus he instructs the people to gather JUST ENOUGH for that day.  I feel like every second of my days, whether at work or at home I'm planning for tomorrow.  And it makes me I missing out on today?

We spend so much of our lives worrying about making enough money for retirement, making sure our kids have perfect grades and test scores for college admittance, that our house is clean for the guest coming next weekend, that the kids practiced perfect for the next game and so on.  I'm not saying we should stop all's life it's the way the world is now but if you are anything like me (and goodness I hope your are NOT).  Then you are literally spinning your wheels.  You are jumping from one task to the next dropping into bed at the end of the day exhausted and looking back feeling totally frustrated.  You feel as if you accomplished nothing because you were trying to do everything. 

Y'all, I have a secret...I'm EXHAUSTED!  I'm FRUSTRATED!  I'm ANGRY!  I want so so so many things.  I want some lazy days, I want a clean house, I want no dirty laundry piles, I want my kids to be young again so I can start over and do it so much better this time.  I want my son to succeed in college.  I want my other son to enjoy his last two years of high school before he enters this crazy real world.  I want my daughter to enjoy this moment instead of wishing she was already in high school (though I can't say I blame her on that one...Junior High is BRUTAL!)  I want my husband to stop stressing about if  he's providing enough for this family. And then there's me..."Can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?" ~Matthew 6:27.  Y'all, I'm totally convinced that that passage was put in the Bible for me!  I worry about everything and I mean EVERYTHING!  (As if to prove that fact I just spilt my coffee mug all over my keyboard so now I'm worrying I've ruined a brand new keyboard).  I never saw the movie frozen but I've heard the song and more often then not I spend too many hours a day singing "Let it go" in my head...not the whole song...just those words in her voice trying desperately to get myself to LET IT GO!

All that rambling to say, I'm worried...I'm worried that I'm missing out on today because I am SO focused on tomorrow.  I'm worried that the dream that lives in my head of what I want for this crazy family will not come to pass and yet I know, I KNOW that "my Father knows what I need before I ask Him."  ~Matthew 6:8  So for today I am going to focus on today.  I'm going to live in the present and let tomorrow worry about it's self. 

Maybe y'all should pray for me...I'm worried I am gonna fail!  ;o)

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