Letting them be...

My husband was a football stud, he loved the game and the game loved him. He couldn't wait to get his sons out on the field and see them follow in his footsteps, envisioning them playing on the same high school football field that he had. Unfortunately, neither of our sons are interested in playing football, an issue that crushed him at first but he has now come to accept. Dare I say, he even embraces the activities they choose to participate in, though none of them are things he ever did!

I was a dancer, not an amazing one, average I would call myself, though I did love it and my high school drill team memories are among my fondest! Yet I swore I WOULD NOT force dance on my daughter, and I didn't, I put her in it when she asked and took her out when she asked. A year later she asked again and again I placed her tentatively in the dance room waiting for the crying to start, it didn't. Not only did she love dance, she lived for it. One class was never enough, she wanted to dance non-stop, more classes, more costumes, more shows! However, I find myself in an odd moment, her love of dance seems to have cooled. Is it the summer doledrums of not wanting to do more than hang out in bathing suits with her friends all day? Is it that she has proved she can do it and do it well (better than I ever could) and so now she's over it? I find myself obsessing over this new change in attitude when in all reality I should be rejoicing! Quitting dance would mean a fatter bank account (does it really HAVE to be that expensive?), an emptier calendar (does it really HAVE to take that much time?). But it would also mean a little less joy in my life. I love to watch her dance, when she takes the stage she lights up, she's never afraid, she never questions what she's doing, and she always thinks she did great! I love her self-esteem!

I know people that are living through their children, who knows I may be doing the same. I know people who force their child to do something the child hates just because the parent wants it. You see it in the child's face, in their words and how they treat the parent that is forcing this life on them. I don't want to be THAT parent. And I can honestly say I never have been...yet.

So I ask myself at what point does what our children want for themselves and what we want for them become blurred? How easily can we cross the line of supporting them to pushing them? Do I really want her to dance so that she can follow her dreams? Or is it my pride that wants her on that floor? Because, my heart bursts with it when she's out there...just like it bursts with pride when my boys are doing what they love...just like my heart bursts with pride when I tuck them in at night and see their sweet faces in a quiet slumber.

Am I becoming THAT mom? Gosh I hope not...