Things I learned today...

So today has been an eye opening, learning experience for me.  Well to be honest the day was rather normal, it was the evening that opened my eyes.  So because I like to share and let's be honest we all spend way too much time being interested in each other's lives, I'll share with you.

1. Fridges are no longer easily purchased and picked up/delivered in the same day.  Everything must be ordered, which is a HUGE inconvenience when yours dies in the middle of the night.

2. People have DRASTICALLY different opinions when it comes to appliances.  Seriously y'all!  Few of you actually agreed.  I'm stumped.

3. Fourth of July sales are still going on the week after and you can get some seriously good deals.  (Thank goodness cause a new fridge was NOT in the budget!).

4. I don't give my husband nearly enough credit for what he can accomplish.

5. My husband will kill himself trying to prove people wrong. (Yes big muscly sales dude he is sure he doesn't want the 400 lb fridge delivered Friday and will be taking it home today.)

6. I cry when I'm stressed.  (See above for said stress).

7.  Neither of us like to, nor are good at asking for help but he did ask because I was super stressed.

8.  I'm so thankful that the two sweet guys he called couldn't help at that exact moment and he was too impatient to wait because...

9.  My boys helping their dad and my girl distracting me from the window made for some really cute images that will love forever in my mind.

10.  God is DESPERATELY wanting me to stop trying to control my world and rely on Him to take care of the big AND little things.  (Thank you mom for emptying and reloading my fridge even though I said I didn't need help).

11. This circus that Craig and I created is really super cool and I'm so thankful that I get to be a part of it.  

12. I WAS WRONG AND CRAIG WAS RIGHT.  (man that was bitter)


Oh and when you see my new fridge and it's hugeness (that doesn't really fit in my kitchen) please remember I have 3 kids that eat A LOT!  I have to go shopping now!

The date...

Dates hold such significance for people.  Birthday, wedding date, even holidays, but it's other dates that just a handful of people are even aware of that I realize now hold more significance than all the other dates combined.

January 2:  Mom had a doctors appointment and asked me to stay with him.  We drank coffee, told silly jokes and laughed.

January 3:  Mom called to tell me she was calling the ambulance to take him to the hospital, he had a fever that wouldn't break and congestion, she feared he had aspiration pneumonia, she was right. 

January 5:  I taught them to face time on their iPad so we could see each other on the days I couldn't get to the hospital.

January 10:  He wanted Craig to bring him his wheelchair and for Craig and only Craig to get him out of bed and into that chair.  How he loved that man!

January 14:  We brought daddy home from the hospital with hospice care.

January 17, 2013:  His three girls stood over his bed, as we had done a hundred times before telling him just how very much we loved him but this time was different, this time the angels filled the room and our world stopped.

These are the dates (and so many more) that his three girls live over and over remembering a man that was our world.

He was funny.  He was silly.  He was a great big kid in a mans body.  He took business seriously.  He loved a cold beer and a warm desert.  He loved malts on a stick.  He couldn't golf but loved to do it anyway.  He did his best to be at every activity for his grand babies.  He was stubborn.  He was giving.  He loved music.  He was nowhere near perfect but he was ours and we were his.  He taught his girls so much but most importantly he taught us to take care of each other. 

Daddy, there isn't a day that we don't wish you here and at the same time we're so thankful that your body can finally rest.  We miss you more and love you A LOT!

Gaining a little perspective...

So this morning whilst rushing around my (very messy but warm and comfortable) home on the way to my (I sometimes don't want to go to but stable) job, I almost dropped a large container of oats.  I was standing in my kitchen alone while my 3 (healthy) children were in the back also getting dressed and as I narrowly caught the container I said aloud 'Oh that would have been a catastrophe!'

WHAT???  SERIOUSLY???

This is what I consider a catastrophe?  The moment the words left my mouth I was crazy embarrassed (not that I was talking out loud to myself...cause that's totally normal) but that this narrowly missed, minor inconvenience brought the words CATASTROPHE out of my mouth.  I don't know about you but I think I might need some perspective.

Today I promise to try and find the good (even in the frustrating moments). Today I promise to laugh more and complain less.  Today I promise to remember just how very blessed I am...I don't have everything but I certainly have ENOUGH!

The Gift

A year ago today I received one of the most precious gifts by someone who didn't intend to gift me nor do they realize what a gift they accidentally gave.  You see a year ago in January I lost my father to a long illness that changed the dynamic of our family for ever.  But today I don't want to talk about that, today I want to tell you about my gift.

December 24, 2012 my husband and three kids left my in laws, raced by the barn to feed the animals then blew into our church to worship at the Christmas Eve service.  My fathers health was declining rapidly at this point, the weather was cold and getting him in and out of the car was a chore my mother did multiple times a day with never a complaint on her lips.  They had spent the evening at my sisters and had returned home late.  She texted me as she was worried that there would be no room for them.  I assured them that there was plenty of room (we could squeeze) and that I'd meet her in the parking lot to help her get him in the building quicker.  Moments later she and I unloaded him faster than we ever had before and raced into the church right as the service was about to start.  I pushed him to the end of the row where my family was seated and set the brakes on his wheelchair.  However, the row was now overly crowded as people had squeezed in on the other side.  Mom told me to sit and took a seat near a friend across the aisle from us.  I offered to move daddy by her but she said he was fine.  The seating was so cramped and crowded I found myself sitting on only half the pew, hanging off so far I was almost sitting on my daddy's lap.

Now you see don't you...my gift from my mother.   To sit with my father at his last Christmas, to hold his shaking hand, to lay my head on his shoulder, to study his face knowing and yet not knowing that I would never have this moment again.   Sometimes when I think back on this moment (which I do often) waves of guilt wash over me.  While my mother (the most selfless person in the world) was unknowingly giving me a most precious gift, I was unknowingly stealing a most precious moment from her.  I wonder if she's upset about that?  Not that she would ever say if she was.

You see at my church, at the end of the service with the lights off, each of us holds a candle singing Silent Night. It's a moment I look forward to every single year and a tradition I pray never stops.  And while we sang that song about a most glorious birth I was holding a lit candle in my right hand, so that my sweet daddy could feel as if he was also holding the candle. As I was raising and lowering it with each verse I was watching his crystal blue eyes tear up, I was listening to his raspy voice sing those words with me as I looked past him at my mother who was looking at us and smiling.  These people that gave me life, that supported me in every way and helped me become the women I am today.  Nowhere near perfect but one who was shown that the love of family is more important than anything else in the world.

One year ago today my mother gave me a gift, a gift I can never repay or return. A gift that lives in my heart and warms my soul.  Tonight when I sit at that same church, possibly even the same pew, anchored between my husband and children on one side and my mother on the other, no doubt the emotions will be overwhelming and the memories will be blanketing me.  But the gift...the gift will be what carries me through.

The first Fourth...

The fourth was his favorite holiday by far.  How a once small town that had grown rather large felt small again.  How he would spend the scorching hot days first watching his children and then his grandchildren in the parade .  Infinite games of 42, bottomless beers and guiltless cigars; add in some serious knee deep B.S.'ing with his best friends and an endless buffet of food...this day was his idea of Heaven! 

Gone but NEVER forgotten...MY Daddy!  I love you...A LOT!

Wandering Words Wednesday...

Princess:  "Mom, where you singing with the radio just now?"
Me:  "Yes"
Princess:  "Well, that explains why it sounded funny!"

Alrighty then!

...cause baby YOU'RE a Firework!

Every year the Fourth of July celebration in my town is HUGE!  It's my absolute favorite day of the year to live in my town (and I've lived here every single day of my 3mmpf years).  Everyone is out, everyone is celebrating, everyone is sweating their butt off!  But there is such a huge sense of community.  Even though there are thousands of people lining the street to watch the parade it feels small town.  Snow cones, donuts and coffee being consumed, fans being handed out, firetrucks, horses and youth groups.  Young and old all come out to sit in the sweltering sun to celebrate this amazing day.  And nothing dampens the spirit, not the heat or the sun even some rain.  Nothing stops people from coming out in droves to support the community.  I could never be out of town on the fourth and I can't imagine spending it anywhere else!  I hope your fourth is spent with family, friends, fabulous food and fun festivities!