So yesterday I had a kid that was just having a good ole fashioned bad day. Her brothers and I tried everything in our power, but we just couldn't heal the hurt that was in her heart. A hurt that had no good reason to be there. (Ladies, can I get an amen here? We all know those bad days with no explanation why and only chocolate and sometimes an adult beverage will cure it!) I hate those days, they are just miserable and to watch your sweet baby girl go through it, BRUTAL! So come nine o'clock we are making cookies because y'all, there is little that fresh baked cookies CAN'T cure. But still the smile wasn't there and the spark wasn't in her eyes; so I suggested we deliver the cookies to someone who I knew would make her smile. So there we are loading up with hot out of the oven cookies at 9:30 at night and making plans to surprise this hairy legged boy after his baseball practice. (Oh what we'll do for our kids! And can't you imagine what her daddy is doing...rolling his eyes and looking at me like I'm crazy!) So as we are driving I'm even wondering why I'm doing this when I could be at home in my jammies with a good book. And then I was taken back to a summer night when I was sixteen years old.
I had a friend over and it's ten o'clock at night and I had just gotten my license and we wanted ice cream (totally rational). So I go in and tell my mom that we are going to run up to the corner store and get ice cream. Well, as you can imagine that didn't go over so well with my daddy. He was not about to have two teenage girls heading to the corner store late at night when clearly no good things could happen. So, we go back into the kitchen obviously to open the fridge and stare longingly at the contents which clearly were not going to do anything to squelch our ice cream desire. And then wouldn't ya know here comes my momma with her red hair and her pink nightgown and says "Girls, I'll take y'all to get ice cream." Can you imagine! We wanted an adventure and what did we get, momma driving us in her nightgown...NOPE! So we try to say nicely no thanks and I can promise you it probably came out more like "Are you freaking serious?" But, she doesn't respond, just hands me the keys and goes and lays her silly self in the backseat of the car so that we can drive up to the corner store for ice cream but with adult supervision! Can't you just SEE it! I can promise y'all that my daddy was fast asleep and we never told him that this occurred, because he definitely would've had a FIT! At first my friend and I rolled our eyes but we really wanted ice cream so whatever; and then as we climbed in the car we giggled and laughed and had the best time! And more importantly than anything else, I have a memory that has lasted me 25 years and taught me about the type of mama I want to be.
Did we HAVE to go deliver cookies to a cute blue eyed boy at 10:00 at night? Nope, but did I have a blast driving around with the radio up on a late summer night giggling with my girl and watching her learn to navigate this craziness that is being a teenager? Oh y'all, it just made my heart soar! And maybe, just maybe in 25 years she'll be doing the same thing with her daughter and think of me (and possibly even deliver me some cookies too!)
Showing posts with label momma. Show all posts
Showing posts with label momma. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 8, 2015
Tuesday, December 24, 2013
The Gift
A year ago today I received one of the most precious gifts by someone who didn't intend to gift me nor do they realize what a gift they accidentally gave. You see a year ago in January I lost my father to a long illness that changed the dynamic of our family for ever. But today I don't want to talk about that, today I want to tell you about my gift.
December 24, 2012 my husband and three kids left my in laws, raced by the barn to feed the animals then blew into our church to worship at the Christmas Eve service. My fathers health was declining rapidly at this point, the weather was cold and getting him in and out of the car was a chore my mother did multiple times a day with never a complaint on her lips. They had spent the evening at my sisters and had returned home late. She texted me as she was worried that there would be no room for them. I assured them that there was plenty of room (we could squeeze) and that I'd meet her in the parking lot to help her get him in the building quicker. Moments later she and I unloaded him faster than we ever had before and raced into the church right as the service was about to start. I pushed him to the end of the row where my family was seated and set the brakes on his wheelchair. However, the row was now overly crowded as people had squeezed in on the other side. Mom told me to sit and took a seat near a friend across the aisle from us. I offered to move daddy by her but she said he was fine. The seating was so cramped and crowded I found myself sitting on only half the pew, hanging off so far I was almost sitting on my daddy's lap.
Now you see don't you...my gift from my mother. To sit with my father at his last Christmas, to hold his shaking hand, to lay my head on his shoulder, to study his face knowing and yet not knowing that I would never have this moment again. Sometimes when I think back on this moment (which I do often) waves of guilt wash over me. While my mother (the most selfless person in the world) was unknowingly giving me a most precious gift, I was unknowingly stealing a most precious moment from her. I wonder if she's upset about that? Not that she would ever say if she was.
You see at my church, at the end of the service with the lights off, each of us holds a candle singing Silent Night. It's a moment I look forward to every single year and a tradition I pray never stops. And while we sang that song about a most glorious birth I was holding a lit candle in my right hand, so that my sweet daddy could feel as if he was also holding the candle. As I was raising and lowering it with each verse I was watching his crystal blue eyes tear up, I was listening to his raspy voice sing those words with me as I looked past him at my mother who was looking at us and smiling. These people that gave me life, that supported me in every way and helped me become the women I am today. Nowhere near perfect but one who was shown that the love of family is more important than anything else in the world.
One year ago today my mother gave me a gift, a gift I can never repay or return. A gift that lives in my heart and warms my soul. Tonight when I sit at that same church, possibly even the same pew, anchored between my husband and children on one side and my mother on the other, no doubt the emotions will be overwhelming and the memories will be blanketing me. But the gift...the gift will be what carries me through.
December 24, 2012 my husband and three kids left my in laws, raced by the barn to feed the animals then blew into our church to worship at the Christmas Eve service. My fathers health was declining rapidly at this point, the weather was cold and getting him in and out of the car was a chore my mother did multiple times a day with never a complaint on her lips. They had spent the evening at my sisters and had returned home late. She texted me as she was worried that there would be no room for them. I assured them that there was plenty of room (we could squeeze) and that I'd meet her in the parking lot to help her get him in the building quicker. Moments later she and I unloaded him faster than we ever had before and raced into the church right as the service was about to start. I pushed him to the end of the row where my family was seated and set the brakes on his wheelchair. However, the row was now overly crowded as people had squeezed in on the other side. Mom told me to sit and took a seat near a friend across the aisle from us. I offered to move daddy by her but she said he was fine. The seating was so cramped and crowded I found myself sitting on only half the pew, hanging off so far I was almost sitting on my daddy's lap.
Now you see don't you...my gift from my mother. To sit with my father at his last Christmas, to hold his shaking hand, to lay my head on his shoulder, to study his face knowing and yet not knowing that I would never have this moment again. Sometimes when I think back on this moment (which I do often) waves of guilt wash over me. While my mother (the most selfless person in the world) was unknowingly giving me a most precious gift, I was unknowingly stealing a most precious moment from her. I wonder if she's upset about that? Not that she would ever say if she was.
You see at my church, at the end of the service with the lights off, each of us holds a candle singing Silent Night. It's a moment I look forward to every single year and a tradition I pray never stops. And while we sang that song about a most glorious birth I was holding a lit candle in my right hand, so that my sweet daddy could feel as if he was also holding the candle. As I was raising and lowering it with each verse I was watching his crystal blue eyes tear up, I was listening to his raspy voice sing those words with me as I looked past him at my mother who was looking at us and smiling. These people that gave me life, that supported me in every way and helped me become the women I am today. Nowhere near perfect but one who was shown that the love of family is more important than anything else in the world.
One year ago today my mother gave me a gift, a gift I can never repay or return. A gift that lives in my heart and warms my soul. Tonight when I sit at that same church, possibly even the same pew, anchored between my husband and children on one side and my mother on the other, no doubt the emotions will be overwhelming and the memories will be blanketing me. But the gift...the gift will be what carries me through.
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