Day 2...

Ten things I learned on Day 2 of summer 'vacation':

1. I LOVE driving on a sunny day with the radio up and windows down. I don't care how hot it is outside or if the passenger wants to speak to me...this is my happy place.  
2. I will chauffeur people all flipping day long around town if the above can happen. 
3. Doctors appointments with my mother are never boring. 
4. My mother doesn't know how to whisper.  (I've always known this but it might be getting worse!)
5. God answers prayers...even when you're being a little snarky. 
6. A common misconception is that my silliness came from my dad...partially true but one cannot ever doubt momma's influence!
7. Cappuccinos, desert and long talks make me crazy happy especially when it's with someone I love. 
8. I sometimes discount my children, thinking I know better...I need to start listening more sometimes. 
9. No matter how much you do for your children they will ALWAYS find the one thing you DIDN'T do and bring it up.  
10. Momma was right...baths do make everything just a little better.  

***Warning***This was written whilst in the bath. I don't have my glasses.  I don't have my phone to text a member of my family for my glasses. And no matter how loud I yell or how hard I bang on the wall they PRETEND can't hear me to bring me my glasses.  So who knows what I actually wrote.  

Day 1...

Day one  of my one month of summer 'vacation' started today.  I've been to the barn, dropped a kid at VBS and now I'm back home in my bed with a cup of coffee.  So very not productive and yet...so very necessary.  I promise to have a productive summer...just maybe not today!

*Warning*. Not really sure what I actually wrote 'cause I'm also too lazy to go get my glasses from the other room!

Living for today...

I was sitting this morning reading my Bible study and for the first time in my 42 years I TRULY read what I've repeated over and over again since I was first taken to church, The Lord's prayer.  You know it's one of those that you just know and you repeat with ease, without stumbling or thinking about it.  It rolls of your lips like your own name, but today I read one part that just STUCK! 
"Give us this day our daily bread." ~ Matthew 6:11  Ya'll, God didn't instruct us to say give us what we need for the next two months!  In fact in Exodus he instructs the people to gather JUST ENOUGH for that day.  I feel like every second of my days, whether at work or at home I'm planning for tomorrow.  And it makes me think...am I missing out on today?

We spend so much of our lives worrying about making enough money for retirement, making sure our kids have perfect grades and test scores for college admittance, that our house is clean for the guest coming next weekend, that the kids practiced perfect for the next game and so on.  I'm not saying we should stop all this...it's life it's the way the world is now but if you are anything like me (and goodness I hope your are NOT).  Then you are literally spinning your wheels.  You are jumping from one task to the next dropping into bed at the end of the day exhausted and looking back feeling totally frustrated.  You feel as if you accomplished nothing because you were trying to do everything. 

Y'all, I have a secret...I'm EXHAUSTED!  I'm FRUSTRATED!  I'm ANGRY!  I want so so so many things.  I want some lazy days, I want a clean house, I want no dirty laundry piles, I want my kids to be young again so I can start over and do it so much better this time.  I want my son to succeed in college.  I want my other son to enjoy his last two years of high school before he enters this crazy real world.  I want my daughter to enjoy this moment instead of wishing she was already in high school (though I can't say I blame her on that one...Junior High is BRUTAL!)  I want my husband to stop stressing about if  he's providing enough for this family. And then there's me..."Can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?" ~Matthew 6:27.  Y'all, I'm totally convinced that that passage was put in the Bible for me!  I worry about everything and I mean EVERYTHING!  (As if to prove that fact I just spilt my coffee mug all over my keyboard so now I'm worrying I've ruined a brand new keyboard).  I never saw the movie frozen but I've heard the song and more often then not I spend too many hours a day singing "Let it go" in my head...not the whole song...just those words in her voice trying desperately to get myself to LET IT GO!

All that rambling to say, I'm worried...I'm worried that I'm missing out on today because I am SO focused on tomorrow.  I'm worried that the dream that lives in my head of what I want for this crazy family will not come to pass and yet I know, I KNOW that "my Father knows what I need before I ask Him."  ~Matthew 6:8  So for today I am going to focus on today.  I'm going to live in the present and let tomorrow worry about it's self. 

Maybe y'all should pray for me...I'm worried I am gonna fail!  ;o)

He is walking away....

And it's here...a day you strive for...a day you push them towards...the goal...and the crazy thing is that when you achieve the goal and your at the point that all the hard work was specifically for....you find yourself crawfishing!

Today I will follow behind that beautiful white truck with my first born behind the wheel and my husband in the passenger seat as we make our way to his new home place.  It will be chaos, it will be exhausting, it will be what we've worked for since he set foot in kindergarten 13 years ago.  Study hard, make good grades, get scholarships, apply to schools...these are the steps we take as we push them towards this goal.  And now that it's here I want to tell him I LIED I don't like this goal!  Fail some classes stay home with mommy!  And of course I don't really I don't think feel that way but y'all I had no idea it would be THIS HARD!

18 years ago I had a newborn and we had been up all night, his daddy was at work and I had finally got this beautiful boy to fall asleep.  When he did I was overcome with how scared I was for him to grow up knowing without really knowing how quickly the years were gonna go.  As a brand new exhausted mama at the tender age of 24 my soul knew KNEW what I was in for and  I wrote this beautiful sleeping boy a love letter then...and I'm sharing it with y'all now.  Because I know KNOW that I'm not the only momma that is smiling while setting up a new dorm while my whole entire heart mourns for the 18 years that just absolutely flew by the blink of an eye!

YOU WALK AWAY

            It feels like yesterday when you were in the warm confines of my body.  I felt your hiccups, kicks, punches and somersaults.  You climbed your way into the world and entered the warm embrace of my arms.  I touch you, cuddle and kiss you.  I nurse you and then they take you away, off to the nursery to be checked out.   It is the first time in 9 months to be away from you.  I feel empty as I watch them walk away.

            You decide four months later that you want to hold a bottle, not be restricted in my arms while I nurse you.  I watch your father carry you and your bottle off to bed as y’all walk away.

            Your too attached to me they say.  Is there such a thing?  I put you in preschool, they have to peel your arms off of my body when I drop you off and you run to me when I pick you up, at first.  But you like your teacher and you have new friends, as we enter the classroom I watch you run away.

            Kindergarten, your eyes plead to be a baby again and climb up in my arms, but your pride makes you be strong.  Tentatively you step into the large school.  You see a friend and start to chat.  I watch you walk away.

            The truck is washed; you look so handsome in your tux.  You growl when I take your picture and beg off my kiss.  As you leave, to pick up your prom date, I watch you drive away.

You got a football scholarship; you are so excited, good dorm, great friends and lots of parties and girls, in your future.  You don’t want your mom to help you move in.  You struggle under the weight of the boxes and I watch you stagger away.

            “She looks beautiful, wait until you see her” I say.  “I hope you will be happy and all your dreams come true.  Don’t make me wait too long for grandbabies,” I say.  The pastor pronounces you husband and wife.  Through eyes overflowing with tears, I watch you walk down the aisle to your new life and the woman in it, giving her the hugs and kisses that used to be mine.  You both run through the shower of birdseed to the truck and at the end you stop and turn around.  I watch you walk towards me.  “I love you mom” you say, “I’ll call you when we get back”.  My heart is full as I watch you walk away.

 ©Kimberly Kempken 1997

A request for my teen friends about being cool...

So here's the deal, God blessed Craig and I with three of the funniest, most beautiful, and crazily different children.  No, this is not a bragging story, stick with me.  These really cool people come attached with some really cool friends (Start counting, cool is going to become a common word in this story, seriously stick with me).  

So for some reason these friends of my kids seem to really like Craig and me.  They ask his opinion and for help at the barn.  They hang out in my office (on second thought maybe they're just trying to skip class on that point).  Anyway, they vent to me their friend drama; they show me pictures of things that made them think of me (mostly coffee related).  I've prayed with these beautiful people, I've wiped tears, I've cried when they received scholarships and graduated from high school.  I have jumped up and down and yelled and made a fool of myself when they placed with their heifer or finaled with their solo.  And y'all, I can not tell you how my heart soars when one of them says "Love you Mama K, you’re the coolest!”  

Here's the deal y'all, I am the most un-cool person I know!  I worry when they do crazy dance stunts, I stress when they're in the rafters of the barn getting wood, I remind them to not text and drive, to wear sunscreen, not to drink, that nicotine is nasty and drugs are stupid.  I remind them to call their momma's and all the other seriously overprotective un-cool behavior mom's tend to dole out on a regular basis.  Yet still they insist, and I kind of love it.  So I’m going out on a limb here and am about to prove just how un-cool I truly am.  

Every decade has catch words or phrases that become popular and stick.  We all have our favorites!  In the 50's we had 'Cool' (are you keeping count?).  The 60’s was 'Groovy' (which means...say it with me...COOL!)  My personal favorite decade, the 80's, cool and groovy were replaced with 'Wicked' and 'Gnarly'.  The 90's was 'Phat' (y'all is this even a real word?).  But as we reflect back the words that replaced the outdated 'cool' they became a little odd.  So that brings us to the present.  In the early 2000's 'Sweet' was the new cool.  As in "Dude, that is one sweet ride!"  If someone said this to me I would take this as an ultimate compliment.  Sadly though just like all words, sweet became overused and some person out there decided to replace it with one of my least favorite phrases yet!  The word cool is supposed to be a compliment, however this new phrase...so NOT a compliment!  So here it is...'AF'.  Y'all, I can't even!  OK so here is where my teen friends are nodding their heads and my older friends (mom) are confused.  But if you don't know then please don't ask, don't Google, just slip peacefully past this current phrase whilst praying that the one that replaces it is gnarly.  Seriously that one was WAY better!

Y'all I know this is supposed to be the ultimate compliment, but (largest BUT ever here) it is so NOT!  Sweet girls, if some young man, boy, child texts you 'Quite frankly girl you are fine AF!'  Girls, run do not walk in the complete opposite direction!  This is NOT the person to bring home to momma and daddy and if I may borrow a phrase from my teen years, gag me with a spoon!  

My guys, if I ever hear y'all dissin' a young lady by using this particular statement, well Daddy-O, that is one big boo boo and Mama K will have no choice but to refer to you as a Dweeb for the remainder of your decades!

Y'all, girls are not fine AF, your truck is not fine AF, your boots are not fine AF and to be completely honest NOTHING is fine AF!

So there I go, proving my un-coolness and y'all I'm totally OK with that because quite frankly I'm ready for boys to go back to treating girls with respect and vice versa.  Y’all remember holding doors, holding hands, talking not snapping?  So what do y'all say, let’s come up with a new word for cool, huh?  

Go ahead, leave a comment for your suggestions...I KNOW they will all be totally rad!

Ice cream and cookies...

So yesterday I had a kid that was just having a good ole fashioned bad day.  Her brothers and I tried everything in our power, but we just couldn't heal the hurt that was in her heart.  A hurt that had no good reason to be there.  (Ladies, can I get an amen here?  We all know those bad days with no explanation why and only chocolate and sometimes an adult beverage will cure it!)  I hate those days, they are just miserable and to watch your sweet baby girl go through it, BRUTAL!  So come nine o'clock we are making cookies because y'all, there is little that fresh baked cookies CAN'T cure.  But still the smile wasn't there and the spark wasn't in her eyes; so I suggested we deliver the cookies to someone who I knew would make her smile.  So there we are loading up with hot out of the oven cookies at 9:30 at night and making plans to surprise this hairy legged boy after his baseball practice.  (Oh what we'll do for our kids!  And can't you imagine what her daddy is doing...rolling his eyes and looking at me like I'm crazy!)  So as we are driving I'm even wondering why I'm doing this when I could be at home in my jammies with a good book.  And then I was taken back to a summer night when I was sixteen years old.

I had a friend over and it's ten o'clock at night and I had just gotten my license and we wanted ice cream (totally rational).  So I go in and tell my mom that we are going to run up to the corner store and get ice cream.  Well, as you can imagine that didn't go over so well with my daddy.  He was not about to have two teenage girls heading to the corner store late at night when clearly no good things could happen.  So, we go back into the kitchen obviously to open the fridge and stare longingly at the contents which clearly were not going to do anything to squelch our ice cream desire.  And then wouldn't ya know here comes my momma with her red hair and her pink nightgown and says "Girls, I'll take y'all to get ice cream."  Can you imagine!  We wanted an adventure and what did we get, momma driving us in her nightgown...NOPE!  So we try to say nicely no thanks and I can promise you it probably came out more like "Are you freaking serious?"  But, she doesn't respond, just hands me the keys and goes and lays her silly self in the backseat of the car so that we can drive up to the corner store for ice cream but with adult supervision!  Can't you just SEE it!  I can promise y'all that my daddy was fast asleep and we never told him that this occurred, because he definitely would've had a FIT!  At first my friend and I  rolled our eyes but we really wanted ice cream so whatever; and then as we climbed in the car we giggled and laughed and had the best time!  And more importantly than anything else, I have a memory that has lasted me 25 years and taught me about the type of mama I want to be.

Did we HAVE to go deliver cookies to a cute blue eyed boy at 10:00 at night?  Nope,  but did I have a blast driving around with the radio up on a late summer night giggling with my girl and watching her learn to navigate this craziness that is being a teenager?  Oh y'all, it just made my heart soar!  And maybe, just maybe in 25 years she'll be doing the same thing with her daughter and think of me (and possibly even deliver me some cookies too!)

When the roles reverse...

On this lazy Summer morning, I awoke with a start noticing that the sun was streaming just a little too brightly through the windows.  Yup, we had all overslept.  Wait, didn't I just say lazy Summer morning?  You can't oversleep on a lazy summer morning!  Actually you can, when two have to get to the barn before one gets to the church to work Vacation Bible School.  The lazy part is me once they all get out of the house .   So once all animals had been fed and the youngest had been delivered to her destination I hopped in the shower.  Y'all!  As I started to wash my hair I saw something out of the corner of my eye, a ROACH had decided to hop in there with me!  Of all the insects, rodents, reptiles I'm not fond of to be honest roaches don't completely bother me 'cause I know they can't hurt me but they gross me out and lets just say when your standing naked in the shower it's a little unnerving.  Thank goodness that neither of my boys had left for work yet so I hop out and start yelling for them as I wrap a towel around myself.  Now, let's just say when mom announces that she's gonna hop in the shower and then approximately five minutes later she starts yelling, I would expect my boys to come running, not moseying in asking if something is wrong.  In their defense, I AM their mother and they WERE fearful I was naked so I guess they are forgiven for their lack of speed.  Long story short they dispensed of said roach and I regaled them as my heroes, and as they are walking out of my bathroom they were discussing arguing who was ACTUALLY the hero and who ACTUALLY dispensed of the roach.T  As I think about the fact that one of those tall beautiful men is about to head off to college I couldn't help but relish in the moment and it reminded me of a time so very long ago, when I was THEIR hero.  Y'all, I can't decide which moments I love the most, when I used to save them or the fact that they now save me.  

Here's a blast from my past, when I got to be the hero.  Enjoy!  

Wonder Mom

I have a confession. I want to be Wonder Woman! It’s true, I had the costume growing up, complete with head and wrist bands. I was so cool, I would spin around in circles until I got completely dizzy and then run off to conquer the World with my cape flying in the wind!

Now I am just a mom. I no longer have the cape or the headband, and spinning around in circles is something I do daily while trying to dress my children and get them off to school. As for conquering the world, I would be more than happy just to conquer having the whole house cleaned in the same day.

So that brings me to the question; what makes someone a hero? Is it Spiderman, Superman and Wonder Woman, fictional characters who take on a whole new look before they conquer evil? Is it Bible Man who uses the sword of truth to fight sin? Is it the real life firefighters and policeman risking their lives to keep us safe? Is it the child growing up in a violent home and deciding that as a parent they will break that cycle of abuse? Is it the single mom, raising three children and wondering if she will ever have a man to share her life with again?

My youngest son loves the Rescue Hero line of toys, and I am excited about this. I love that these toys are based on real life people who live their lives to do good every day! I love that this is who my children believe in as heroes. However, I must admit, I am a little sad also, because as mom, I want to be the hero in my children’s eyes.

But I am just a mom, a mom of two little boys and one little girl. And, although I do put out fires every day by deciding who gets to pick the movie, and I keep the peace by not letting sister put makeup on her brothers’ dinosaurs. I must wonder if they see me as a hero. Do they look at me and see the cape tucked under my stained sweatshirt and worn out jeans? Is the jeweled headband peeking out from under the hair I haven’t even had the chance to brush yet? Probably not, but I remember the one day I was a hero. One day the crowd roared and yelled my name so loudly the windows shook, the animals hid and I stood with my hands on my hips and my cape flying proudly behind me!

You see I don’t like bugs, but with children you must pretend and so I point out long squiggly worms on the driveway and call their attention to the tree frogs stuck on our back windows, the geckos hanging by our front porch and the armadillos that run by our back patio every morning. But even a superhero loses their cool every once in a while I am sure, so when it comes to snakes and roaches, I am anything but super.

But this one day while getting my children quickly dressed to run out the door, my oldest comes in whining that there is a roach in his bedroom. As I go in to bravely conquer this creature, I see my daughter crawling quickly behind me. I know that she would probably be able to catch it quicker than I could, and with the lack of fear that babies have it would be the baby edition of Fear Factor. Not that I was worried about her eating the roach but we couldn’t have HER being the hero, now could we? So, I block the entrance of the room with the baby gate and grab the first aerosol can I find in the cupboard. As I spray this very determined bug, I realize that Lysol is not going to kill him, although he does now smell good and is slightly less germy. Not wanting to crush him on our brand new carpet, I go back to the cabinet and grab the only other aerosol can in there. I climb up on the bed and bravely aim the can toward the roach and wish the spray would go farther. In the background I hear chanting. They are saying something, something I recognize, “Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!” It’s my name! The crowd is chanting my name! All of a sudden I am in a coliseum full of people with my red cape held out before me battling a huge snarling bull. I see the bull scratch his foot back sending the dust flying making me cough (or was that the smell of the Off?). I hear the stomping of the crowd. I raise my hand and roar, “We will, we will rock you!”

Okay, so maybe it didn’t happen like that, but the roach rolled belly up and my three little fans screamed and cheered and jumped up and down because their hero battled a beast that day. As I shook hands and signed autographs, I kissed the baby and finished getting my kids ready for school. I beamed all day. The laundry folded itself, and the dishes reflected my smiling face. Then I picked them up from school, and they recounted the cool new things they learned that day. I tried to recall the goodness of the morning by reminding them of their fearless mother but to my sadness I was met with, “Mom, it was just a roach!”

My fifteen minutes of fame were up. So after dinner and baths, I went to my closet and hung up my cape and donned my warm robe. As my freckled face babies laid their weary heads against the worn out fabric that had been through pregnancies, all-night nursing and various illnesses, they looked up at me with sleepy eyes and said, “Thanks for getting the roach out of our room mom.”

So maybe I am not Wonder Woman but for a brief shining moment, I was a hero in the eyes of my children!

“Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.” Romans 8:37 (NKJV)


© Kimberly www.coffeeandfaith.blogspot.com 2010