Just say NO!!

What are we doing with our kids today?  Everything is select ball, competitive dance, private lessons, etc.  Whatever happened to just playing ball?  Just dancing?  Sometimes I just want to go back to June and the Beav, I know things weren't really perfect but they sure looked easier! 

Everyone wants their kid to be the best, to be the star.  It's human nature and quite frankly I believe that anyone who says otherwise is in complete denial.  Don't get me wrong, I'm right there with them.  I sink way to much money into competitive dance so that I can hopefully watch my daughter at the end of an 18 hour day receive a cheap trophy that will clutter her room.  In 20 years will she look back fondly on all those hours we spent together or will she only remember that five minutes before she went on the floor we were both in tears over something as stupid as the right shade of glitter. 

Why does everything have to be bigger and badder?  (You know bad as in the good bad.)  Bigger is not always better.  Why are children receiving iPads as Christmas gifts?  Do we believe that spending thousands of dollars on our children will make them love us more?  Is it guilt because we are so busy we don't actually spend time with our kids?  I watch parents have lunch with their kids at school and they are on the phone the whole time.  Is this the new quality time?  Again, I fully admit I am always plugged into my iPhone and am a textaholic.  So I guess I need to ask myself, "Self, is that costing you a relationship with your kids?  Your husband?  Your friends?"  The answer is most likely, yes.

Why are we as a society putting ourselves either in debt or jeopardy of going into debt for STUFF?  For private dance lessons, pitching lessons, voice lessons, the list just goes on.  Let's face reality people, 95% of our children will not grow up to be any sort of pro athlete or the next American Idol or So You Think You Can Dance winner. 

What if 10 of us banded together and just said No?  Twenty of us?  What if we all decided we want a simple life.  We want backyard BBQ's, pick up football games, marathon games of Monopoly.  Simple dance lessons instead of weekends taken over by hairspray, glitter and tears. 

I realize that in saying all this I am asking myself to stop obsessing over the latest Michael Kors bag (it's so BEAUtiful!) and the suede boots that match my Alma Matter's school colors (cause I really need them right?  But they are SO cute!).  But if we could all just step back for just a minute, maybe a season, what could we accomplish?  Could we hear the stories our grandparents would love to tell us of the good ole days but we are always too busy to sit down and listen?  Could we learn something new about our children, our spouse, ourselves?  The options are endless if we all just say NO!

Did you already say NO?  Post a comment and tell me how.

What are you THANKFUL for?

Thanksgiving shouldn't be the only day we give thanks but it seems that it is the one day that we all go around saying what we are thankful for.  Why don't we do that more often?  Why, instead of complaining, don't we walk around saying "I'm thankful for...".  I have a few friends that do seem to always be thankful and I'm thankful for them and their cheerful attitude...most of the time.  I admit that sometimes that cheerfulness just sends me over the edge...I kind of want to knock them over.  (Not really, but sort of.  You know who you are!) 

But today, today I want to shout from the rooftops what I'm thankful for! 

I am THANKFUL for a father that is here with us to enjoy another Thanksgiving!  In the midst of his multiple medical issues he is here for another day!
I am THANKFUL for a mother that knows only how to give and give and give!  The most selfless person I have ever met!
I am THANKFUL for a husband who loves me, flaws and all.  Who has stuck by me through the good, bad and ugly.  Who chose me (even though I'm pretty sure I made it impossible for him not to)!
I am THANKFUL for my Jolly Green Giant who has the biggest heart of any kid I have ever known and loves to stop me in the middle of whatever I'm doing and give me a hug.
I am THANKFUL for The Author and his precious tender heart hidden beneath his tough guy attitude.  (Secrets out dude)!
I am THANKFUL for The Princess who makes me smile just looking at her.  Who dances through life with so much joy!
I am THANKFUL for my friends (near and far) who are there to share a drink, a laugh, a shoulder, a prayer, a tear.
I am THANKFUL for the men and women who are fighting so that we can be FREE!
I am THANKFUL for husbands, wives and children who are missing their soldiers on this holiday so we can be FREE!
I am THANKFUL for an awesome God and that I BELIEVE!

I am THANKFUL!!!

Don't be shy, tell me why your THANKFUL!!!

The measure of a man....

How do you define a man?  Is he the provider of your household?  Is he that person that can fix anything and everything?  Is he strong?  Smart?  Funny?  Sexy?  I would say yes to all of the above because that is my sweet husband, each of the things I listed is one of the many reasons why I love him.  WAIT!!!  Don't go away...I promise this isn't a gushy (I love my husband) blog...though I DO!!!  This is a blog about a MAN before he becomes a man.

My teenage son (the Jolly Green Giant aka The Beast) proved to me and his father and hopefully the coaches at his school that he is a MAN!  You see while my eldest son is handsome and smart and artistic.  He isn't necessarily athletic...however he CAN swim like a fish but that's another blog.  So when he tried out for basketball last year  and didn't make it he was bummed!  It was his first time to have to try out for something.  That first is the WORST!  But his friends rallied around him and asked him to be their manager so he could still hang out with them.  So he did and he was great at it (servants heart) and he enjoyed it. 

Cut to a year later and tryouts are once again upon us.  Day one of tryouts comes filled with "Just go for it!"  "Don't over think!"  "React!"  Those were his father's words mine..."I believe in you!"  "You are so great!"  "I love you so much!"  Sound like your house?  Well that sweet boy gets picked up by his father and walks in that door with head hung low and sad brown eyes.  "I didn't do good, ones and twos." (these are evidently bad).  "Day two of tryouts is tomorrow and that's when they'll make first cuts.  Coach said I'm probably not gonna make it.  I think I'm gonna ask to be manager again."  His father and I tell him we support him no matter what he decides.

Next morning we are in the kitchen and I ask what his plans are.  "I'm gonna go to tryouts but just to ask to be manager, I don't see the point in trying out today."  Again I tell him I support him.  We drive to school in semi-silence, both of our hearts are breaking and as he exits the vehicle I again give the words of encouragement and pride and they are true!  I tell him to call me when he is ready for me to pick him up from tryouts.  I drive the 5 minutes to work praying for this sweet gentle giant with the huge heart and tender spirit.  That evening, I wait and wait and wait for the phone to ring, it doesn't so I drive up there when tryouts are over.  He climbs into my car and says, "I didn't make first cut and they already have two managers."  What?

I ask him to start from the beginning and explain.  "So when I walk into the cafeteria this morning I see Coach and I go up to him and tell him that I know I probably wont make the team but I would like to be manager again.  Coach says that they already have two boys who asked to be manager but if one of them quits that he'll let me know.  (Insert a mother's sinking heart here.)  So I think for a second and then tell him that even though I probably wont make the team I would like to show up today and finish tryouts.  He says he thinks that's a great idea."  (Insert a mother's soaring heart here!)  So as this wonderful young MAN tells me this story I can't help but think what an amazing person he is!  I mean here is a boy who realizes he wont make the team but wont give up!  Destined to go back and give it one more shot even though he in his heart knows he has NOTHING to gain!  Well you can imagine how hard it is for me to drive with the tears in my eyes and the lump in my throat.  I tell him I'm so very proud of him and that he is just the most awesome kid in the world and gush gush gush!

So a day goes by and of course EVERYONE at work has had to hear this story (sorry bout that guys) and still my heart is just breaking for this kid and yet its bursting with pride for this MAN!  Jump to Thursday and that sweet boy once again folds himself into my car after a long day and says (with a huge grin) "Well your gonna have to pick me up from school late starting tomorrow!" 
"What's goin' on buddy?"  I ask.
"Well, I saw coach in the hallway carrying two Sonic cups and I jokingly said 'Awe Coach, you shouldn't have!'  And Coach laughs and says 'How's it going?' and I say 'Good!' and he says 'We have an opening for manager, you interested?' and I say 'Yea!' and he says, 'Great, you can start tomorrow!'" 
Well you can imagine that again I can't drive for the tears in the eyes and the lump in the throat, as I choke out, "You excited Bub?"
"Yea!"

And that my friends is what you call a MAN!!!  He may only have to shave once a week, he may not be able to vote or even drive but he is a MAN! 

So what is my definition of a MAN?  One that doesn't give up even when he has every reason to, one that gives it his all even when all looks lost, one that wants to be a part of the team even if he won't be the star!

What's your measure of a MAN?

But be very careful to keep the commandment and the law that Moses the servant of the LORD gave you: to love the LORD your God, to walk in obedience to him, to keep his commands, to hold fast to him and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul.”  Joshua 22:5

Post script to this story.  The Beast comes home from his first day of being a manager this year and he says, "Mom, remember so-in-so from last year?"  And I do an inward "ugh" cause he was the jerkiest of jerky players on the team.  But out loud I say "yup". 
"Well he came up to me when practice starts and asked if I was manager again."  (Oh my heart just stopped, what would this kid say to hurt this sweet boy)  "And?"  "And I said 'Yup' and he said 'Yea!'"  (So that 'jerk' from last year just won points with this mama bear!)  Who knows, maybe he is a MAN too? 

Wandering Words Wednesday...

"Hey Mom, dogs are really lucky! Know why? After they fart they get to wave it away...with their tail!"
Dare you not to giggle!

Conversations with my dad...

Me: "You want a smoothie?"
Him:" I want ice cream."
Me: "No ice cream, how 'bout a smoothie?"
Him: "Why can't I have ice cream?"
Me: "It's 9:30 am you don't need ice cream how 'bout a smoothie?"
Him: "It's almost 10:00am and I want ice cream"
Me: "I'll get you a smoothie".

These are the conversations you have with a man who had a stroke 18 years ago.  These are the conversations you have with a man that has Parkinson's, Congestive Heart Failure, Pulmonary Hypertension, Sjogrens...
These are the conversations I have with my dad! 
These are the conversations that one day I will play over and over and over in my mind and they will make me smile and laugh and cry.  These are the conversations that one day will be just one of the many memories I have left when I can no longer go over and kiss his forehead.  These are the conversations that will live in my heart and in my mind forever and I will treasure each and every one.
These are the beautiful conversations with my dad!

This is my dad!

Laughter through tears, tears through laughter?

Longest, most draining, emotionally ravaged week ever.  Do you ever have those?  Where you're just emotionally drained?  When the tears come so easy and the smiles are forced?  When you look in the mirror and you try to smile and notice that your only smiling with your mouth and it looks strange?  When you know you put makeup on in the morning and for some unbeknownst reason your face has soaked it up?  How does that happen by the way? 

That's this week and when I opened my eyes at 5:15 this SATURDAY (what?) morning I realized it was Saturday and laid my emotionally drained head back down on the soft pillow and tried desperately to go back to sleep.  No luck.  I laid there with my mind going crazy and the tears starting to fall until I could no longer stand it and got up for my coffee.  When the sleepy eyed brood stumbled from their rooms I allowed one to eat their cereal on the den floor, (carpet and milk a big no no in my house!  And another to eat Rice Krispie treats for the morning nourishment (usually reserved for only me).  I listened to the hacking and coughing and sniffling from the other room and remembered with a bowed head that I forgot to give my children their medicine before bed.  Shameful mother I am...letting my emotionally wrecked week keep me from doing what I love most, taking care of my offspring.  Thinking that this day would be a downer and I would spend it in my jammies with my head hung and the to do list never crossed off, the Author came in and in one small moment changed my outlook!

Author:  *sniff sniff, cough cough* "You know what I'm thinking would be good tonight, mom?"
Me: *preoccupied* "What?"
Author:  *sniff sniff, cough cough* "Medicine!"
Me: *blank stare on my face*
Author:  "Because just now I coughed and looked down and I think I saw my lung on the floor!"

Just when I think I can't make it one more second they make me laugh!  So while my day may still consist of a never ending to-do list that will stay crossed off and the jammies will remain I will laugh maybe through tears but I will laugh!  I hope you laugh too!

Quality family time, dadgummit!

When I was growing up we rented a beach house every year, the same beach house.  It became 'ours', I loved it!  My dad was a workaholic banker who didn't know the meaning of 'banker's hours'.  So this was heaven to him, to take his girls and run away for a week.  As soon as we got there mom had to clean, forget that it had already been cleaned, she had to clean again!  And we had to unload the two car fulls of (excuse my language) CRAP that we toted up.  We would finally be ready to "vacation" just in time for dinner and no quickie dinner for this family it was full out dinner complete with dishes.  Finally, finally we were done and my sister and I would put on our suits and get ready to run out the door and down to the beach when dad would yell from the other room.  "Are we ready for a family walk on the beach?"    Don't get me wrong, we appreciated that our parents took us to the beach each year but neither of us wanted to walk on the beach with our parental units.  We wanted to walk on the beach looking cool scoping out cute boys.  But nooooo we had to wait for the dishes to be done and then we all had to walk out on the beach for some "Quality family time, dadgummit!"  Now I know that this phrase is not in the dictionary due to the fact that as far as I know my dad basically invented it but if it was I believe this is how it would be listed.

Quality Family Time, Dadgummit! - Time spent with one's family albeit under duress and huge embarrassment to the children.  Most often heard yelled by the parental units while on vacation (see Disney World) and Sunday afternoon walks.

The latter is what brought about today's post.  I, being the rebellious daughter I was, hated, hated  quality family time!  It was always, always  a big huge hot mess!  It started with good intentions but always ended up with frustrations, tears, embarrassments and guilt.  But, like all good parents we forget what we swore "we would NEVER do" and I frequently torture, guilt and bribe my children to spend quality family time with me.  Well today it was decided by someone (though the instigator chooses to remain silent and no it was not me!) that a family walk with dogs would be good fun on this beautiful Sunday afternoon.  So while the Jolly Green Giant and the Princess hopped on their bikes, my sweet husband took one of the puppies and the...hmmm...has he been named yet?  I don't think so.  Well henceforth the middle child shall be known as the Author.  The Author  took the other puppy (again I am well aware that these 70 lb. beasts are no longer puppies but that is what they were grouped as when they were brought home and shall be named that forever.)  I hooked up the last leash to my sweet  furry hysterectomy baby (story for another time) and off we went.

All started out a little rocky in that the Author has a broken arm and puppy #1 was not behaving as well as she should have which made her hard to handle with two good hands forget having one in a cast.  So sweet husband takes both puppies and we are now walking along like a proper family.  Picture it will you?  A beautiful family (it's my dream we can be beautiful) walking/riding along on a sunny Sunday afternoon with their faithful furry friends in tow.  Let's sit on that butterfly moment for just a second shall we? 

Moving on...cut to "let's go (through the stretch of overgrowth that hasn't been properly maintained but always makes for a fun and interesting walk) tourist route home.  And that would be when "Quality Family Time, Dadgummit" started: 

• Issue #1: The Princess can't get her bike to move properly across the cracked sidewalk with tufts of grass sticking up. 
• Issue #2: The Jolly Green Giant  is behind the Princess and is annoyed by her slow pace for bike riding. 
• Issue #3:  The Author is once again losing control of Puppy #1 due to her excitement over the tall grass. 
• Issue #4:  The Queen (yup that's right I get a name too!) was not aware that the walk was going to take such a turn and is wearing cute sparkly flip flops that are not meant for traipsing through knee high grass with goodness knows what lurking just inchs from her feet. 
• Issue #5:  The furry hysterectomy baby was trying to hop through the grass like she does (I believe she's part bunny) and was having such a hard time she decided to just cop a squat. 

So we pass the huge patch of overgrowth and the Princess takes off at which time the Jolly Green Giant  aka Dudley Doo Right is yelling at her to slow down for us.  My frustrated husband tells him to just go catch up with her and for them to head home.  And just as we are settling in to a nice calm walk...we hear a thump and the Author is down, crumpled on the ground holding his knee, blood oozing from his bottom lip, broken arm protected by a huge cast and the culprit that brought upon such horror...sitting beside him panting, drooling, licking her pet and feeling rather pleased I would assume.  My defeated husband takes back control of both puppies, I wrap my arm around the author and we limp home. 

And that my faithful friends is how this family has "Quality Family Time, Dadgummit!" 
Now don't just sit there...go out and create your own memories!  Or better yet...I'd love to hear your very own "Quality Family Time, Dadgummit!" stories!  Don't be shy...you know you wanna share...post a comment!